Oh if I ever had a favorite word it would have to be sometimes (despite my overuse of the word “annoying”). Somtimes, everything in my life revolves around sometimes. Sometimes this, sometimes that. Sometimes he loves me, sometimes he hates me (and vice versa). Sometimes I’m good, sometimes I’m bad and sometimes I’m just plain fed up. I think this is one of those sometimes. I’m sick of having to prove myself as “worthy” to everyone that crosses my path. Yeah, I don’t do things like everyone else. I’m little unconventional and a little confused as to how I get what I get and how I lose what I want. Better yet how I don’t want everything I get and I really, really want everything I lose, or at least in the moment i do.
I would like to be seen for who I am and not what I have or better yet what I don’t have. Or don’t do. Or can’t figure out. Or can’t see what is good for me and what I should be doing. But really, who are you to tell me that I’m not worthy of your attention? That because I don’t always act “grown up” or because I have something you wish you had, I can’t be part of your world or you a part of mine. You’ll use me for what you want, but you don’t even know me, or what I’m made up of or anything in between. You, and I mean all of you give up on me before you even get through the first layer.
Maybe I’m whining. No, I am whining. Sometimes things work and other times they fall apart. This is a falling apart moment. I only pray that there’s someone out there who will finally take me for what I am and not what they see on the surface. Are you out there?
Tags: frustrations, giving in, giving up, Life, self
