On continuation of my last post, I just needed to express that I’m mad. Angry. Furious. Irate. No, really I’m just really sad. Sad that I’m obviously making big mistakes and I don’t even know what they are. Maybe I do things too fast, maybe I don’t think them through. Maybe, maybe, maybe. There’s a lot of maybes out there and not a lot of
surefire answers. I’m finding more and more uncertainty as I go along and the feeling makes my skin crawl and my stomach sink. I feel misunderstood and left out, simply because I have things other people don’t have. If only they knew what I was lacking, or the secret of the baggage that I carry around with me. Baggage that’s getting too hard to carry alone.
I’m not a solitary person and I hate spending time alone. Whenever I get the chance to spend time with other people my thoughts immediately turn to when they will leave and the silence will become overbearing.
I just don’t know what I’m doing wrong. I think I’m a good person and I’m more than generous and good natured, but still I always find myself alone. I wish there was an end to this. I wish my words weren’t thrown out in the blogosphere but directed at the right people. But the “right” people don’t want any part of me. It’s game over before it started and that’s what bothers me the most.
I just wish I knew what I was doing wrong.
Tags: baggage, isolation, Life, misunderstandings, sadness, tears
